This is a summary of the book “The art of living without fear”, written by Jozef Kirschner. Living without fear seems like an art to many of us. While it is not a simple goal, it is one worth pursuing. If you master the art of living without (or not too much) fear, life becomes a lot more pleasant. In most cases, our thoughts are the cause of our fear; however, there are other causes as well. This book offers tools and methods to get started on the art of living without fear. The techniques covered include relaxation, meditation, transforming your thoughts and writing a so-called “life book.”
Content
- How can you master the art of living without fear?
- Our thoughts
- Comparison and competition
- Authority and kindness
- Strive for security
- Chasing freedom
- Fear of being alone
- Accept the truth from others
- Overcoming your fears
- More tips to overcome your fears
How can you master the art of living without fear?
Our thoughts
Our thoughts can give us fears that can cause us to panic. On the other hand, the same thoughts can also build our motivation and lead us to action. Whether our thoughts lead to panic or to action depends on the film that we play in our fantasy. The complain movie: I can’t do it anyway, so why should I try it ??? The action movie: I can do it if I just believe in it.
To make sure you get the ?? action movie ?? is playing, you can use partial relaxation:
- Stand while shrugging your shoulders and breathing calmly. Hold your breath for a moment;
- Drop your shoulders, exhale and think, “My shoulders are very heavy.”
- Think to yourself, “I am very calm and free from anxiety” or I will act immediately.
Comparison and competition
To find out if your fear is caused by comparing yourself to others, answer the following questions in writing for yourself:
- What does approval and disapproval mean to me?
- What role do I play, who am I really and who would I like to be?
- What can I do to make sure others don’t manipulate me through their approval or disapproval?
Just by regularly writing down the answers to the above questions, you can clarify ideas and feelings for yourself, which will put you on the way to a life with fewer fears. Another advantage of writing it down is that you can read and evaluate it later.
Authority and kindness
We are all affected by the authority and kindness of others at some point or another. Just think of the instances where you ?? yes ?? when you actually said no? wanted to say.
If you want to learn to say “no”, try the following:
- Never let yourself be taken by surprise to make a decision (ask for a reflection time if necessary);
- Make a consistent decision, stick to your decision;
- Will you let no? appear in word and deed.
Strive for security
You do not get certainty if you look for it in the promise of others. You can only find certainty in yourself. There is a way to find strength and security in yourself, which is three-phase relaxation.
First phase
Adopt a very comfortable position. Whether you are sitting, standing, lying down or walking, try to forget everything around you by paying attention to your body. Wonder: Are my legs loose and relaxed? Are my neck and shoulders relaxed? Is my face, my forehead relaxed? My belly? Only when you have the feeling that you are loose and relaxed do you move on to the second phase.
Second phase
Follow your breathing in your mind: Follow it as it flows through your body when you breathe in, descending below your navel and staying there briefly. Then you follow him again when you breathe out long and calmly. Then stay still briefly and without effort and then inhale again.
Third stage
When you have breathed in and out in this way about ten times, try to consciously experience the peace that comes to you. Enjoy this tranquility.
Chasing freedom
We think we can achieve freedom by making countless plans and undertaking all kinds of adventures and other escapes from the daily grind. However, real freedom can only be found in yourself. One technique for this is meditation. Don’t be alarmed, you don’t need guru or religion for this; because meditation is getting to know yourself. During the meditation you can start thinking about your shopping list, work that is still waiting for you or an appointment with the dentist. This is okay, this is part of meditation. During meditation, you should let these thoughts arise and pass them by. Surrender to your breath or to a word, rhythm or an object. Let what happens to you, give up what you have learned to think, so that you will penetrate to your feelings. This will make you experience a different kind of adventure; the adventure of liberation.
Fear of being alone
If you are afraid of being alone, have a strong need to mingle with people, constantly doing anything and everything, then you are actually running from yourself. If you are afraid of being alone, you should befriend yourself. So stop grumbling at yourself and increase your self-esteem. Listen more to your instincts when making decisions.
Accept the truth from others
If you just follow what others tell you, you can also get anxious. There is then a danger that you will become afraid that you cannot live up to the truths of others. Often things like truths are presented in order to manipulate people without further explanation. Sometimes people even go so far as to be willing to die for the truth of another. An important step in mastering the art of living without fear is finding your own truths, the truths of your personal uniqueness. Because laws are true because they are in black and white, it is important to write down your own truth.
You can do this by your own life book, a kind of personal Bible, just for you. By writing a life book, you learn to better organize your thoughts and goals, you can free yourself from burdensome influences, you get an overview of things that are related to each other and you can analyze your own behavior at least once a day. For example, in your life book you can write about your personality, your body and health, illness, money, possessions, family, lifestyle, needs, recognition or success.
Overcoming your fears
You can choose to play the role that others have created for you, or to take control of your life yourself. If you have your own truth and stand up for yourself openly, you don’t have to play a role in hiding your self from your surroundings.
One way to overcome your fears is to ask yourself the following:
- What am I specifically afraid of?
- What’s the worst that could happen to me?
- What is the best thing that can happen to me?
- How do I make the most of this situation?
More tips to overcome your fears
Use a mantra (spell) that works for you. Use the example sentences below as inspiration.
- I am more concerned with what is good for me than what others want from me.
- Today I am above any situation I encounter in my way.
- I will pay attention to manipulating behavior of others and not be misled by it.
- Today I will face all situations with great confidence.
- I will encourage myself and think of myself in a calm, sympathetic way.
Avoid negative words and expressions because they will have a negative impact on your personality.
- I can’t: I don’t.
- I should do it: I could do it.
- It’s not my fault: I’m responsible myself.
- This is a problem: This is a great opportunity.
- I am never satisfied: I want to learn to develop.
- Life is a struggle: Life is a challenge.
- I hope: I’m sure.
- What do I do ?: I know I can handle it.
- It’s awful: It’s an educational experience.