In the Premier League, captains wore rainbow captain’s armbands several times to draw attention to this theme
Why is it so hard to come out in the world of football? That question is central to the new podcast The Shadow Spire, in which NOS colleagues and LGBTI people Rivkah op het Veld, Jeroen Gortworst and Winfried Baijens go in search of the ‘shadow striker’ and his experiences.
Because there is not yet an openly gay professional football player, while there certainly should be. In 1990, Justin Fashanu was the first professional footballer to come out. The forward played for Notts County and West Ham United before committing suicide in 1998 at the age of 37. Last year, a British Premier League footballer came out anonymously via a letter in a newspaper.
“We thought slightly naively: maybe we can provide the circumstances to allow someone to talk about this subject safely,” says Baijens.
Because the subject is close to their hearts, says Op het Veld. “We’ve wanted to do something with this for years, because we are disturbed by the way the conversation about homosexuality is conducted in the sports world. It is very black and white, and it never goes deeper than that.”
So the trio went in search of an athlete with such a secret. But during that search they also tell personal stories about their own coming-out and what that meant for their sports practice. So being vulnerable, something that all three experienced as difficult but nice.
Each presenter has their own episode with their personal story. Gortworst set to work with the question whether his homosexuality had an influence on his sports performance. “I thought that was quite a scary question,” says Gortworst, who played tennis at the top level during his teenage years.
“I didn’t think so. But then I spoke to former teammates and my old trainer, and I noticed that it actually had an influence.”
And Baijens, who has always swum fanatically, dived into the dressing room, where there is still a lot of discomfort surrounding homosexuality. He talked to other swimmers, as well as young football players. “I was really shocked by the prejudices. I recognize that cramp from the past, but it is still so bad now.”
Uncomfortable, but also moving
The conversation with the footballers made an impression, he says. “It’s impressive when someone says: ‘I wouldn’t want to change clothes with a gay person anymore’. The conversation was uncomfortable, but it also became touching in the end.”
It wasn’t all hard, says Op het Veld. She delved deeper into the sports world of women. And asked the question: why does LGBTI acceptance seem to be going well here? “That was a positive conversation, but also confrontational, because you see how it can be done and how long it will take before we are there with the men.”
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If I myself had listened to a similar story in a podcast 10 years ago, it would have helped me so much.
That personal aspect in the podcast is very important, all three presenters say. “If I had listened to such a story – like what I told myself – in a podcast 10 years ago, it would have helped me so much. Then I would have bombarded them with a hundred messages and I finally had a role model where I could questions about this, “says Gortworst.
It is important that people hear that they are not alone, Op het Veld continues. “We, as LGBT people in the sports world, are living proof why this podcast is needed.”
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The worst part is, I now understand why gay footballers are hiding.
For the trio, there is one big lesson that making the podcast has taught them. “We could put ourselves in the shoes of gays in the football world. And the worst thing is: I understand why they are hiding”, says Baijens. “There is so much that comes at you, also through media attention. You just have to ask yourself whether you want to do that to a person.”
Op het Veld agrees with that. “I have really come a bit further in my head why this is such a difficult theme. I understand better the considerations of football players in the closet.”
That’s why it’s so important that this podcast does its job, says Gortworst. “If only one person at home listens to the podcast and gets support or recognition from it in a certain way, then it’s already successful for me.”
